World Cup 2010 Blog: “EA Sports Plays Out Euro 2012 So No One Else Has To” plus 1 more

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EA Sports Plays Out Euro 2012 So No One Else Has To Posted: 31 May 2012 09:15 AM PDT Every single tournament, EA Sports launches simulation series to determine the winner ahead of time. They nailed Spain’s World Cup 2010 win, but then so did an octopus. Was it really all that impressive? They’ve run out Euro 2012 for us, letting everyone know that Germany’s going to come home with the title by beating the Dutch – conquerors of the Spanish – in the final. Robin van Persie ends the tournament with the golden boot, too, so basically this whole thing is just a continuation of form. Which is precisely how it’s supposed to work. The full knockouts (whole tournament in the link): The most disappointing portion of it all is that it’s so plausible, so likely. Who wants reality in their video games? Hell, who wants reality in their reality? The stuff dreams are made of does not come from the standard stock. It comes from psychedelic drugs, which is how we want our major tournaments to play out. (Photo wallpaper link)

FEMEN Erects A Masculine Protest Posted: 31 May 2012 07:59 AM PDT FEMEN’s remaining high profile with their protests, but the mainstream coverage indicates they might be getting a bit more creative with said protests. Which can only benefit everybody, if it might detract from the statement slightly. A couple of young ladies found the landscaped mascots in Kiev this morning. Comedy might not be their intention, but it was damn sure achieved. Very NSFW documentation after the jump – topless woman in a hilarious penis suit. (Serious.)

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World Cup 2010 Blog: Mario Balotelli To Star As Rambo

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Mario Balotelli To Star As Rambo Posted: 30 May 2012 12:11 PM PDT Someone with more Photoshop skills needs be on the task right about now. With the concerns of racism in Polkraine during the Euros running long in the media, a number of players have come out with their thoughts on the situation. As ever, Mario Balotelli’s are worth several photos, a graphic novel and a legal consultation. He’s never boring, that’s for damn sure. Mario. Rambo. Same thing. Balotelli, who is preparing with the Italian team for their Group C fixtures, said: “I will not accept racism at all. It’s unacceptable. If someone throws a banana at me in the street, I will go to jail, because I will kill them.” The 21-year-old is not a stranger to racism and was once pelted with bananas in a Rome bar before the European Under-21 Championships in June 2009. “It was lucky that the police arrived quickly because, I swear, I would have beaten them. I would have really destroyed them. I hope it never happens again.” He has been the victim of racist abuse on several occasions – most recently in February when Porto were fined over the behaviour of their supporters in a Europa League tie against City. “Let’s see what happens at the Euros,” he added. “I hope it will pass without a problem.” He also said, with far less violent imagery, that he’d simply walk off the pitch and go home. A more likely result than retaliatory mass murder. See, the problem with this is Mario isn’t universally adored – very much a love or hate character – and this may elicit racism from those who aren’t racist at all, just to send him home. This is clearly where the real Rambo is needed.

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World Cup 2010 Blog: Adding An Elephant To Polkraine’s Psychic Circus

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Adding An Elephant To Polkraine’s Psychic Circus Posted: 25 May 2012 10:01 AM PDT Bigger is better – at least when it comes to psychic animals. And ugliness remains a constant across the spectrum, it seems. Octopus, pig and now an elephant? Cuddly and prescient aren’t compatible attributes. With this being the first major tournament on the continent after the World Cup 2010: Paul’s World, the psychic gimmick scene was bound to get hot. A pig was announced last week, and an elephant has been brought into the arc, leaving us to speculate the psychic call sheet will put Noah’s beastly tally to shame by the time Qatar rolls around. Luckily for us, this big girl comes sporting qualifications: she correctly picked the Champions League Final between Chelsea and Bayern, by choosing the most delicious apple of two. It happened to be Chelsea’s. (But did she correctly predict penalties by removing the stem? No one knows.) Also, more news of the pig which should come piggybacking some psychotropics. Poland’s answer to Paul the Octopus — the tentacled tipster who gained worldwide fame for his 2010 World Cup predictions — is Citta the elephant. Ukraine, however, will probably go for an enormous beer-loving pig — but there are big doubts about whether he can handle the media glare. The zoo in the southern Polish city of Krakow settled on a temperamental 33-year-old female pachyderm from India while Ukraine — where slices of hog fat are the national dish — is contemplating a happier destiny for a 2-year-old already named Psychic Pig. The pig has a fondness for beer and fries and grunts in pleasure when he watches matches on television with his farmer owner, his publicist claimed Tuesday. But he still needs some PR training before he is presented to the public. Krakow zoo director Jozef Skotnicki said Citta, the apparently clairvoyant elephant, was chosen over a donkey, a parrot and another elephant after she correctly predicted that Chelsea would win the Champions League last week — the annual competition between Europe’s top clubs. She made her winning pick by choosing an apple above a blue-and-white logo for Chelsea rather one from opponent Bayern Munich, which sports a red, white and blue logo.

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