Alhaji Righteous De Ambitious: 05/01/2012

Thursday, May 31, 2012

World Cup 2010 Blog: Mario Balotelli To Star As Rambo

Posted: 30 May 2012 12:11 PM PDT

john-Rambo-is-so-cute-action-films-4530858-433-277 Someone with more Photoshop skills needs be on the task right about now.

With the concerns of racism in Polkraine during the Euros running long in the media, a number of players have come out with their thoughts on the situation. As ever, Mario Balotelli’s are worth several photos, a graphic novel and a legal consultation.

He’s never boring, that’s for damn sure.

Mario. Rambo. Same thing.

Balotelli, who is preparing with the Italian team for their Group C fixtures, said: “I will not accept racism at all. It’s unacceptable. If someone throws a banana at me in the street, I will go to jail, because I will kill them.”

The 21-year-old is not a stranger to racism and was once pelted with bananas in a Rome bar before the European Under-21 Championships in June 2009. “It was lucky that the police arrived quickly because, I swear, I would have beaten them. I would have really destroyed them. I hope it never happens again.” He has been the victim of racist abuse on several occasions – most recently in February when Porto were fined over the behaviour of their supporters in a Europa League tie against City.

“Let’s see what happens at the Euros,” he added. “I hope it will pass without a problem.”

He also said, with far less violent imagery, that he’d simply walk off the pitch and go home. A more likely result than retaliatory mass murder.

See, the problem with this is Mario isn’t universally adored – very much a love or hate character – and this may elicit racism from those who aren’t racist at all, just to send him home.

This is clearly where the real Rambo is needed.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

World Cup 2010 Blog: Adding An Elephant To Polkraine’s Psychic Circus

Adding An Elephant To Polkraine’s Psychic Circus

Posted: 25 May 2012 10:01 AM PDT

african-elephant_435_600x450 Bigger is better – at least when it comes to psychic animals. And ugliness remains a constant across the spectrum, it seems. Octopus, pig and now an elephant? Cuddly and prescient aren’t compatible attributes.

With this being the first major tournament on the continent after the World Cup 2010: Paul’s World, the psychic gimmick scene was bound to get hot. A pig was announced last week, and an elephant has been brought into the arc, leaving us to speculate the psychic call sheet will put Noah’s beastly tally to shame by the time Qatar rolls around.

Luckily for us, this big girl comes sporting qualifications: she correctly picked the Champions League Final between Chelsea and Bayern, by choosing the most delicious apple of two. It happened to be Chelsea’s. (But did she correctly predict penalties by removing the stem? No one knows.)

Also, more news of the pig which should come piggybacking some psychotropics.

Poland’s answer to Paul the Octopus — the tentacled tipster who gained worldwide fame for his 2010 World Cup predictions — is Citta the elephant. Ukraine, however, will probably go for an enormous beer-loving pig — but there are big doubts about whether he can handle the media glare.

The zoo in the southern Polish city of Krakow settled on a temperamental 33-year-old female pachyderm from India while Ukraine — where slices of hog fat are the national dish — is contemplating a happier destiny for a 2-year-old already named Psychic Pig.

The pig has a fondness for beer and fries and grunts in pleasure when he watches matches on television with his farmer owner, his publicist claimed Tuesday. But he still needs some PR training before he is presented to the public.

Krakow zoo director Jozef Skotnicki said Citta, the apparently clairvoyant elephant, was chosen over a donkey, a parrot and another elephant after she correctly predicted that Chelsea would win the Champions League last week — the annual competition between Europe’s top clubs. She made her winning pick by choosing an apple above a blue-and-white logo for Chelsea rather one from opponent Bayern Munich, which sports a red, white and blue logo.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

World Cup 2010 Blog: “Documentary: Ukraine’s FEMEN Activists” plus 2 more

Documentary: Ukraine’s FEMEN Activists
Euro 2012 Gets A “Psychic” Pig
The England Dynasty

Documentary: Ukraine’s FEMEN Activists

Posted: 21 May 2012 08:34 AM PDT

It seems a week can’t go buy without some celebration of Euro 2012 being hit by a topless activist from FEMEN. Their purpose is simple yet broad: women’s rights, particularly in relation to the sex trade. (Though they do venture beyond.) The methods of protest are rather eye-catching, making them arguably the most visible group in the buildup of the tournament, and likely to be the most discussed topless “fans” until Michel Platini whips out his own pair during France’s knockout games.

It’d only be appropriate to give a background, since they’ll probably play a bigger part in the tournament than, say, Denmark. (Sorry, fellas.) If their purpose and motivations are laudable, their methods don’t appear to be in universal favor. Agree or disagree, they’re going to be a part of Euro 2012.

A Finnish TV station made a documentary on the organization, which is just after the jump (including English subs). Obviously, this is (very) NSFW.

The Finnish subs are hard-coded, so click the CC button to get the English subs on overlay. (Not ideal, but going from Ukrainian to Finnish to English never is.)

Euro 2012 Gets A “Psychic” Pig

Posted: 21 May 2012 07:51 AM PDT

Crispy_bacon_1-1- This is a gimmick that should’ve died with Paul the ‘Pus, and hopefully he tasted utterly delicious for putting us through the next [large number here] tournaments with a psychic animal which isn’t really psychic at all.

The Ukraine took the bait this time around and will dazzle our minds with a psychic pig. How? No one yet knows, nor have we been informed of his qualifications, but my bar for being impressed is now at sings a show tune for Germany versus a one-pig interpretation of Charlotte’s Web for the Netherlands.

“A unique oracle hog, a real Ukrainian pig and a psychic which knows the mysteries of football,” a statement said. “Every day at 16.00 it will predict the result of the upcoming match.”

Kiev officials said they wanted bring similar excitement to Ukrainians by bringing the telepathic pig to the city’s fan zone before matches.

So there you have it. Get to the fan zone for your daily dose of side show, possibly right next to the conveniently sponsored stand selling bacon products.

The England Dynasty

Posted: 21 May 2012 07:30 AM PDT

Admittedly a little bit of an oxymoron in football, that, considering England’s only ever hauled in one trophy over the two major competitions, and never even reached the final of the Euros. But a little bit of fiction and child-like imaginantion never hurt anyone, so ITV has gone on to remind everyone what could’ve been. Or what might’ve been in some parallel universe where Steve McClaren and others are replaced by more capable versions of themselves, perhaps even one where Steve actually speaks Dutch and uses a bucket hat instead of an umbrella.

And wasn’t the whole benefit of this Euros campaign for England being low expectations?

[101gg]